If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
