Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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