She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
