I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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