I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
