Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
