Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to sanitize my soul.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
