Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
