Say something about gay babies.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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