Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
