someone get that fucking seahorse.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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