Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Two words: blizzard sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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