I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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