It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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