the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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