my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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