i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He did a backflip because drugs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
