I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
