i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
