He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
