So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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