2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
