I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
