I just pynch a tree in the face
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
