I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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