I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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