Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
