yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
