I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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