I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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