Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
