as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
