he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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