just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
