Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
