If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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