Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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