I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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