I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
