I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
