Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
