I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Someone shit on the floor
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
