i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
