goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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