Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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