i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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