Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
