So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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