I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
