I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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