Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
