I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
