Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
