At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
