I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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