Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
