I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
