You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
