I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
