I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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