Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just pee around me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
