He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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