ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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