the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
