yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize