So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just gift wrapped bread.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
